It’s important that your children and students demonstrate self-control or self-discipline especially when outside of the home environment. It makes for comfortable surroundings when children override their unconstructive impulses, resist temptation, and do what needs to be done.
Self-discipline is defined as marshaling ones’ willpower to accomplish things that are considered desirable. Self-control prevents oneself from doing what is seen to delay gratification. In other words, it is the ability to postpone the temptation of instant gratification and resist impulses for a long-term goal.
A study by a Stanford University researcher used a marshmallow to predict the future behavior of a group of four-year-olds. They could immediately eat the marshmallow or wait 15 minutes and then have two marshmallows. When revisiting the tested children years later, the researcher found that the children (young adults) demonstrated generally positive characteristics that would predict happy marriages, good health, and successful careers.
Self-control should be taught so a child has less of a chance to be manipulated by others. Helping children to acquire the tools for a happier and more contented life is the job of parents and educators.
Self-control is developed over years with the biggest changes in children between the ages of 3 and 7. When this age group demonstrates poor self-control and planning abilities, they are more likely to have aggressive behavior problems and experience anxiety and depression. Self-control is most important in the classroom for academic achievement. A study by Megan McClelland found that children with advanced self-regulation skills at the beginning of school developed better academic skills over time.
Self-control is sometimes confused with ‘have to’ verses ‘want to’. A child or student who won’t cooperate at home or in the classroom might seem like a person with poor self-control. But, give that child or student a favorite toy or video game and his focus turns to persistence and drive. In this particular case, a lack of self-control is not the issue; it is a lack of motivation. He/she requires enjoyment in what he is asked to do. Changing a chore into a game takes time and energy. Take the time to figure out whether it’s a lack of motivation or control and build a bag of tricks into your motivation toolbox. Don’t ignore or blame others for a lack of self-discipline in children.
It’s a parent’s and a school’s responsibility to help encourage and develop self-control in children and young adults. Be a coach and don’t practice dismissiveness or give disapproving statements to build self-control. Talk about one’s feelings, show empathy, and discuss constructive ways of coping with situations. Create an environment where self-control is rewarded. A mindset for tackling challenges and learning from failure is healthy – as long as there is reflection and learning.
